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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/26433265">Diving Cormorant</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/stuffandsundry/pseuds/stuffandsundry'>stuffandsundry</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Tales of Hearts</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Comedy, Gen, Swimming</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-09-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-09-13</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 04:09:12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,623</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/26433265</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/stuffandsundry/pseuds/stuffandsundry</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Hisui and Kunzite find themselves with a free day at the beach.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Hisui Hearts | Jadeite Hearts &amp; Kunzite</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>5</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Diving Cormorant</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>edit: in my defense i wrote this before i finished the game,</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Hey." Hisui walks down the beach, sand crunching under the soles of his boots, to where Kunzite is sitting. "Got a moment?"</p><p>"You will have to be more specific. I believe I am in possession of several moments." Kunzite closes his eyes. "To be precise, my records show that it has been sixty-three billion, seven hundred thirteen million, four hundred forty-tw—"</p><p>"Okay, nobody want to hear about that," Hisui interrupts. "Whatever, I guess you're free enough. I…"</p><p>He hesitates, taking a quick look around to see if anyone's within eavesdropping distance. "We got a little downtime so I was wonderin'… Can you… y'know. Teach me how to swim?"</p><p>Kunzite raises a single eyebrow. "I am an inadvisable pick for swimming instructor. However, I believe that Master Lithia is free. I will go find her for you."</p><p>He stands up and Hisui immediately shoves him back down— or, well. He tries. But fifty fucktillion tons of whatever the hell metal alloy Kunzite's made of is really hard to move if it doesn't wanna move, so mostly Hisui's just stuck clasping Kunzite's shoulders like he's about to go in for a kiss. "You can NOT ask Lithia. No way."</p><p>"I do not understand."</p><p>"That's exactly what I thought you'd say, you stupid robot," Hisui mutters under his breath. "Listen. You think I'm happy about this either? Hell no. But I dunno if you've noticed— for some goddamn reason, I keep on finding myself getting chucked into the ocean. And we've been doing a hell of a lotta sea travel lately. So…"</p><p>"…Therefore. You believe that it would be prescient to move to address an obvious weakness. That is surprisingly commendable of you, Hisui."</p><p>Hisui snarls. "Hey! You makin' fun of me? I just think that it's not cool to have to get fished out of the water every time I go under, especially not by a lady who's like an entire foot shorter than me!"</p><p>"If that is the case, I still believe that there are more efficient solutions than requesting my guidance. However, since you have asked, I see no reason to refuse."</p><p>"Wait, really?"</p><p>"Of course," Kunzite says. "Let us begin immediately. Also, please remove your hands from my person."</p>
<hr/><p>"Hisui," Kunzite says, chest deep in the surf. The ends of his hair have been gathered up so that they won't get wet, and he's taken his armor off.</p><p>Hisui looks down from the pier he's standing on. "Yeah?"</p><p>"As your newly appointed swimming instructor, I believe that it is well within my rights to point out that I cannot give you swimming lessons if you refuse to get into the water."</p><p>"Wh—" Hisui sputters. "Don't rush me!"</p><p>"May I point out that the reasoning that you gave for this lesson is that you wish to be able to save yourself in a precarious situation?"</p><p>"I mean, sure, but I figured we were gonna work up to that?"</p><p>Therefore," Kunzite interrupts, "I propose that perhaps we could start with a simulation of such circumstances."</p><p>Hisui pales and starts inching away. "Woah, okay, I do NOT like the sound of th—"</p><p>Kunzite grabs Hisui by the swim trunks and yanks him down into the sea.</p><p>"Fascinating," Kunzite says. The splash of water Hisui created has completely drenched him, but he doesn't even blink. "Kohaku was not exaggerating when she called you the worst swimmer she has ever seen."</p><p>"You—guahk!" Hisui splashes frantically, before grabbing onto Kunzite and pulling himself upright. "You bastard! I thought I was gonna drown!"</p><p>"…The water level here is low enough that we're both standing upright, though."</p><p>"Fuck you! We're doin' this my way!"</p>
<hr/><p>"From my observations, I believe the issue here is not any sort of physical incapacity for aqueous activity." Kunzite muses aloud, "Perhaps it's a psychological problem."</p><p>"Psycho— are you calling me crazy??" Hisui complains.</p><p>"No, not at the moment." Kunzite corrects him. "However, it does seem that you are doing a decent job paddling, are you not?"</p><p>"I am?" Hisui bobs up and down in surprise. His head dips underwater, but his feet don't stop moving behind him. It's progress. "But I'm holding onto you right now, so does it really count?"</p><p>"The next step would be for me to let go—"</p><p>"Gah! Don't!"</p><p>"—but, as you have just demonstrated, your physical ability takes a sharp dive as soon as you believe that you are not in a safety zone. As panic sets in, the Organican brain consumes more oxygen, leading to the need to take a breath regardless of actual ability to do so. My database indicates that unconsciousness sets in shortly after the intake of water into the lungs, leading to death in ten minutes or less."</p><p>"Can you… not talk about me drowning when I'm <em> right </em> here?"</p><p>"No." Kunzite says.</p><p>"Way to make a guy feel comfortable." Hisui mumbles.</p><p>"To clarify," Kunzite says. "I mean that no, you will not drown here. Is that not why you asked me to watch over you?"</p><p>"I—" Hisui stops kicking. He pushes down on Kunzite's hands, which stay right where they are, rock-steady, until they're nose-to-nose. Hisui searches Kunzite's eyes for— he's not sure what, exactly, but whatever it is, all he sees are Kunzite's clear, unclouded eyes, as he looks calmly back at him.</p><p>"…Yeah." Hisui slowly says. "That's why I asked you."</p><p>"Indeed." Kunzite says. "And I am here."</p><p>After a brief pause, he adds. "I sincerely believe you are ready for the next step. Proceeding to release your hands in three, two, one—"</p><p>Kunzite lets go, and Hisui immediately bobs under. He hadn't realized how much he'd been leaning on Kunzite's solid grip. The flush of blind panic washes over him again, just like it always seems to, and the water closes over his head. He doesn't have his goggles on, and his eyes are squeezed shut. But—</p><p>
  <em> I am here. </em>
</p><p>Somehow, the memory of his words is just as comforting as his solid hands. Hisui wraps that borrowed calm over the sharp edge of panic.</p><p>He stills.</p><p>After he stops moving, it's easy to tell which way the surface is. He kicks up towards it.</p><p>— Hisui's head bobs up out of the water, and he takes a sharp gasp of air. He blinks.</p><p>He's fine?</p><p>Congratulations," Kunzite says. Maybe it's only Hisui's own self-satisfaction bleeding over, but he could swear that Kunzite's smiling at him, too.</p><p>"I bet I could go for longer," Hisui boasts. "The sun's still up, let's do a couple more laps."</p>
<hr/><p>The sun is touching the edge of the horizon when Hisui pulls himself out of the water. He reaches a hand behind him to pull Kunzite out too, but that guy's already walked up onto the beach by himself.</p><p>Well, whatever. It's fine, isn't it? That's just how he is. Hisui runs up to him. There's just enough time for a quick shower at the inn before dinner, if they walk quickly.</p><p>"Hey Kunzite, I just wanted to say… thanks." Hisui puts his hands behind his head as he starts ambling back to camp. "You're a pretty good swimmer, huh?"</p><p>"Negative," Kunzite calmly explains. "I cannot swim."</p><p>"Yeah, ok, I tho— huh?" Hisui freezes. "Sorry. Could you repeat that??"</p><p>"Certainly. I cannot swim." Kunzite says. "As I have stated in previous encounters, the metal alloys that make up my body weigh significantly more than the average organic body does. Therefore, I am incapable of retaining enough buoyancy to stay afloat."</p><p>Hisui runs a hand through his hair. "…You don't have a boat mode? Or anything like that?"</p><p>"Negative."</p><p>Then—</p><p>"Wait, what were you going to do if I actually started drowning, then??"</p><p>Kunzite tilts his stupid robot bucket head at Hisui like that's the stupidest thing he's ever heard. "Naturally, I would have walked over underwater and guided you to safety. However, if you had been washed out to sea…" Kunzite points in the direction of camp. "It would take me one point five seven three minutes to run to camp and find Master Lithia, and approximately three point seven minutes for her to return to this point, leaving room for error and the speed of the current. My calculations show a probability slightly higher than fifty percent that you would be successfully resuscitated with no side effects."</p><p>"SIDE EFFECTS?? How much higher than fifty percent?! Wait, no, don't answer that! I don't actually wanna know!!" Hisui yells. "And why would you call Lithia? The whole point of this is that I don't want her to see me flailing around like a fool!"</p><p>"I do not understand why you would turn down her assistance." Maybe Hisui's imaging it, but there's a look of deep pity in Kunzite's eyes. "I must warn you, though, I am afraid that if I update my projections with this data, the probability of your demise will increase by—"</p><p>Hisui feels a vein pulse in his forehead. He takes back every nice thing he’s every thought about Kunzite. Argh, he can't take this anymore.</p><p>He throws a punch.</p><p>
  <em> Crack. </em>
</p><p>"SHIT! MY HAND!"</p><p>"As previously stated— "</p><p>"I KNOW YOU'RE MADE OF METAL!! I'M NEVER FORGETTIN' THAT AGAIN!!"</p>
<hr/><p>BONUS:</p><p>"Woah, Hisui!" Kor pops out of the water right next to Hisui and pushes his goggles (borrowed from him, of course. What? He can be nice if he wants to!) up his forehead. He treads the water with an ease that Hisui's still ridiculously jealous of. "Did you learn how to swim? Kohaku told me that you couldn't!"</p><p>"Shaddup," Hisui adjusts his goggles as he floats on his back. "After getting chucked overboard into the sea five billion times, you'd learn how to swim too, y'know. I'm a natural."</p><p>"…Is that really how it works?"</p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>inspired by a conversation i had with jem over a voice line in crestoria. sure, hisui coulda asked gall or anyone else, but consider this: it wouldn't have been NEARLY as funny,</p><p>please leave commento? nyaha? ( •̀ ω •́ )✧</p></blockquote></div></div>
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